Deadly Sins (Deadly SEALs Book 1) Read online

  He focused on me. “Mia, I can’t take care of you anymore. This is important. I need you to listen to me. You have to be strong for me. Remember that place in Marin we used to hike to?”

  How could I forget? On the top of Mt. Tamalpais, on a ridge overlooking the fog, was a group of rocks. Joaquín and I used to go up there and spend hours playing make-believe.

  “Of course, I do. Why?”

  “If you need to feel my presence, go there.”

  What on earth was Joaquín talking about? He hated what he called my “New Age bullshit” about vortexes and spirit guides. But my spirituality guided everything I did. I didn’t care if he didn’t understand it. “I won’t need to. I’m going to take a leave of absence from school, move down here, and visit you every week until you’re free.”

  “Don’t you dare. You only have one semester left. Don’t ruin your life, too. Listen to me. I don’t want you to visit me again. Promise me you won’t come back to San Diego.”

  I bit my nails, and my stomach clenched. He was the only person I had in my life since I’d ended things with Grant. Without Joaquín, I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t exist. He would never ask me to abandon him.

  It was then that I knew in my heart something was gravely wrong. Not just the murder of Tiffany and the charges against Joaquín, but something else. Something hidden deep in the secret realm of the SEAL brotherhood. “I promise.”

  I nodded and placed my hand on the thick plexiglass. He did the same. Would this be the closest I ever came to touch him again? “I love you, Joaquín.”

  “I love you too, Angelita Mia.”

  My little angel. He hadn’t called me that since we were kids. That name had always meant so much to me. I wanted to be that angel for my brother. No, I needed to be that angel. And I would. I would live up to my birth name and become Joaquín’s angel.

  We only had a few minutes left, so I tried my best to cheer him up. My hands trembled; my body froze. He’d worked so hard to be a SEAL. It was all he’d ever wanted. The possibility of his career being destroyed was almost worse than him being accused of a crime he didn’t commit.

  The bell rang. The guard came and escorted Joaquín out of the room. I stared at him walking away, praying that this nightmare would end soon. This couldn’t be goodbye.

  I walked out of the San Diego County Jail. Determined. Dedicated. Definite.

  I would clear my brother’s name. For my entire life, he had protected me, lifted me up when I had fallen. It was my turn to rescue him.

  I took off in Joaquín’s truck, a brand-new Ford Raptor. The scent of the fresh leather tickled my nostrils.

  For a second, I actually questioned his innocence. How could he afford this new truck? He’d told me he’d saved up during deployment, but I knew he spent most of his money on my tuition and housing. Even though I worked part-time as a makeup artist, living in San Francisco was not cheap.

  Paul was a second-generation Navy SEAL officer and came from old money—was Joaquín involved in something shady that had resulted in him being framed for murder?

  I pushed the thought of his guilt out of my head. My gut wrenched for even questioning his honor.

  Speeding on Harbor Drive, I rolled down the window and allowed the crisp San Diego breeze to blow all doubt away. Though it was January, the sun was still bright in the sky. As Joaquín’s words replayed in my head and the look on his face haunted my thoughts, I choked back tears.

  The Raptor seemed to have a mind of its own, and I found myself driving toward Grant’s place. I had to see him. I had no choice. He was my only hope. I needed to ask for his help. I prayed that he would be able to fix everything like he once had. He’d been with Joaquín at the party that night. He must’ve seen something.

  My insides twisted. The intersection of excitement, desperation, and guilt left me unable to focus. Grant was the one man who rivaled my brother in his steadfast character. He’d been my first love, my only lover…and I’d shoved him away. Like every great thing in my life.

  I pulled up to his tiny apartment in Point Loma, praying he wasn’t off somewhere training. The sight of fresh mud on the door of his lifted truck alleviated that fear.

  My fingers traced the doorbell. His dog, Hero, let out a friendly bark. Maybe he recognized my scent.

  There was no turning back. I pressed the button.

  “Hello?” Grant’s deep, sexy voice sounded groggy through the intercom.

  He must’ve been asleep even though it was three in the afternoon. Probably another balls-to-dawn training rotation. Back when we were together, I’d make sure to have his place clean, his favorite meals cooked, Hero walked and fed when he came home from those all-nighters. It was some of the only times he allowed me to take care of him.

  “Hey, it’s me.”

  His tone turned bitter, dark. “What do you want, Mia?”

  I couldn’t help but smile that he still recognized my voice immediately even though we’d been broken up for two years and hadn’t seen each other in six months. I knew what I had done to him—abandoned him in his hour of need, secretly blaming him for being gone when I’d needed him most. Then I had been unwilling to allow him to see me at my lowest point, and unable to open up to him and confess my secret. My fatal flaw had ruined our love—my conceit.

  Joaquín would never turn his back on someone he loved. He would embrace his anxiety. Shake hands with fear.

  Somehow, I would have to learn to do the same.

  “I need to talk about Joaquín.”

  Grant opened the door, and I gasped at the sight of him standing in front of me wearing only pajama bottoms. I’d forgotten how incredible his body was; his broad shoulders and V-shaped torso displayed no body fat, just a perfect eight-pack of abs. His skin glowed in the afternoon sun, highlighting his sculpted arms, which were covered with ink.

  My eyes focused on his huge hands, remembering how they had explored every inch of my body. He ran his fingers through his golden hair, and I imagined those fingers deep inside me, sending spikes of pleasure to my core. The scruff of his beard hid the mottled scar on his neck. His green eyes seemed to shoot beams of kryptonite at me, exposing my soul.

  Right, I came here for my brother.

  “Let me in, Grant.” I pushed my way inside the door, scanning the place for signs of another woman. All clear.

  Hero, his black lab/pug mix, gave me a lick on my face and lay by my feet.

  The last time I saw Grant was at an awkward run-in at my brother’s apartment last summer before they’d deployed. Grant had ignored me the entire time. No matter how hard I tried, he’d refused to engage with me.

  Today, he had no choice.

  2

  GRANT

  THE VIXEN STANDING IN FRONT of me barely resembled my beautiful ex-girlfriend Mia. Her waist-length brown hair that had once carried the scent of coconut milk and vanilla beans was now tinted fuchsia and chopped off into a long, angled bob with spiky bangs. Her freckled skin was painted up like a streetwalker’s. Her nails, which had always been kept short and pale, were filed into sharp points and polished black, like daggers.

  I fucking hated her full look. Like some bullshit revenge breakup makeunder meant to ensure that I wasn’t attracted to her anymore.

  It didn’t work—I still wanted her.

  My eyes lingered on her small breasts and fell down to her wide hips. “There’s nothing I can do. No one remembers anything—and if they do, they aren’t talking. I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s guilty.”

  “Of course, he’s not guilty. But you can help him, right? You know the men on your Team. You were at the party. We can find out who killed that girl. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  “Whatever it takes? What the hell are you talking about?”

  She inhaled deeply through her nose and then exhaled through her mouth. “I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out.”

  I laughed. “Well, let me know when you do. Until then, you can get t
he fuck out of my place.” I urged her toward my door.

  Her eyes darted around, but she held her body firm, refusing to budge. “I know we can figure out something if we put our heads together. We can do this.”

  I sneered at her. “We? There is no ‘we.’ You made sure of that.”

  A flash of guilt must have caused her to avert her gaze as she looked down at her feet and bit her nail.

  “Maybe I could go undercover? I’m a chameleon. An actress…a makeup artist. I’ve reinvented myself so many times, even you wouldn’t be able to recognize me.”

  This bitch was crazy. “You can’t be serious. You’re five-feet-four-inches tall, one hundred thirty pounds. I used to have to open spaghetti jars for you. You think you can defend yourself against a SEAL? No way can you outsmart my Team. Sorry, Mia. It will never work. You’re delusional. I could recognize you no matter how you changed.” I had memorized every inch of her body, the sound of her voice when she whispered my name, the way her lips parted when she was embarrassed, the glint in her hazel eyes when she wanted her way, and the flush on her cheeks when she came.

  I loved you.

  Picturing her smile had gotten me through those long muddy nights freezing my balls off in the frigid water during BUD/S. Her faith, her love, her belief in me had kept me from quitting, from ringing that bell.

  Too bad it was all complete bullshit.

  She touched my face, tracing the beard that hid the scar on my neck. “I just need one of them to talk.”

  I pushed her hand away. My stomach churned. I couldn’t stand the sight of her anymore. Couldn’t she see the hurt in my eyes? I’d once looked at her with warmth, love, devotion. Now only her betrayal lingered in the air. “SEALs don’t talk.”

  She let out a laugh. “You did. You used to tell me everything.”

  Smartass. My fist clenched. “Yeah, I did. Only because you were my girl. What are you going to do—fuck them all?”

  A wicked smile graced her lips. “Why the hell not? I’m single, remember? You made it clear you never wanted anything to do with me again.”

  My chest tightened. She was taunting me. The thought of her, my girl, being screwed senseless by my friends, made my palms sweat. She was mine—only mine. She’d lost her virginity to me, and I’d always found comfort in knowing that no other man had ever touched her.

  Images flashed through my head of another man kissing her, fucking her, making her come, Mia screaming out his name.

  I swallowed hard and steadied my breath. “Stop, Mia. We both know damn well you were the one who fucked things up. Even if you were that much of a bitch and wanted to fuck me over more than you already have, none of them would touch another Team guy’s woman. Especially since you’re also Joaquín’s sister. I only got away with sleeping with you because we started dating before Joaquín and I became SEALs. And no matter what you think, in their eyes, you will always be mine.”

  She cringed, and I noted the look of shame on her face. Had she cheated on me back then? I would never believe that. Like a wild animal, I was confident that I could’ve sensed another man’s scent on my woman. Even so, Mia was hiding something from me. There was more to her leaving me than being too young for a serious relationship.

  Unfortunately, I didn’t have a fucking clue what her secret was. She never even gave me the chance to fix it.

  She leveled her gaze on me. “Yeah? Yet you sure are quick to abandon Joaquín at the first sign of trouble. So much for leaving no man behind. You know if the situation were reversed, Joaquín would do anything possible to set you free.”

  Dammit, I shouldn’t have let her in the door. This was already too intense, too emotional. “It’s not that simple, and you know it. I’m under orders not to talk to him.”

  “Fine. I understand that you’re forbidden to talk to him. But I can. You need to help me help him. This isn’t about us; this is about Joaquín. Can you tell me about the girl who died? Who invited her? Was Joaquín dating her?”

  I clenched my teeth. Some people thought that since I was a SEAL, I’d have a wicked temper, but I had complete control of my emotions at all times. That composure allowed me the mental strength to point a loaded gun at my enemy and still be able to make a conscious decision not to pull the trigger. I’d never raised my voice to Mia, ever. Even so, she knew when I was pissed off.

  “What the fuck? Do you think you can just walk in here like you didn’t rip my heart out, and I’m just going to comfort you and fix this mess? I already fucking told you there’s nothing I can do. And I don’t owe you anything.”

  Her chin dipped to her chest, her shoulders slumping. “I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t expect you to, but I had to leave. I didn’t have a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice.” She had bags around her eyes, which made me remember when I used to watch her sleep. She always curled up in a ball with Hero at her feet. I never told her, but she used to talk in her sleep, sometimes even said my name. “And we aren’t in this together. My world started and stopped with you. All my friends told me that we wouldn’t work that we didn’t have a chance because we were so young and because of my job, but I told them you were different. That you would have my back no matter what.”

  Her voice cracked. “For what it’s worth…I’ve never even looked at another guy. I want you to know that.”

  My gaze bored into her. “That’s supposed to make it better? That I’m the only man you’ve ever been with, but you still don’t want to be with me? Well, I wish I could say it was that easy for me. Since you left, I’ve fucked a bunch of girls, trying to get you out of my head.”

  But she was still fucking there every night when I closed my eyes. I prayed her face would soon fade from my mind.

  Her mouth tightened. She wasn’t stupid—she had to know from her brother that I’d been with other women since her. But she only had herself to blame.

  “Please, Grant, if what we had meant anything to you, please help me exonerate Joaquín.”

  My eyes met hers, and I cupped her face, fighting the urge to kiss her. “You meant everything to me. You know that.”

  She pulled away from me, her bottom lip quivering. “I’m back now.”

  “You left me. Period. You can never come back.” As much as I loved Mia, I could never give her another chance. I refused to let myself rely on any woman after she had abandoned me. I didn’t need that type of stress. My job was consuming—my personal life had to provide me stability and comfort. Or at the very least, pure release.

  “But—I need you.”

  I’d needed her once, also. Now, I needed her to leave. “I can’t help you. I’d do anything I could to clear Joaquín; you know that. But my hands are tied. You need to leave.”

  I pushed her out of the entryway and slammed the door behind her, never looking back. I wished I could say it was easy, shutting her out of my life again, but her scent still lingered in the air, and my heart remained with it.

  I hoped I never had to see her again, which was now a realistic option since her brother was in jail.

  Still, my heart ached for her and for my swim buddy. There was no way Joaquín could’ve intentionally killed that stripper. Maybe he’d just gotten too rough in bed. Regardless, the reputation of our Team was now tarnished.

  The public was supposed to see us as heroes who rescued hostages from ISIS, freed boat captains from pirates, and assassinated leaders of terrorist regimes. Not as a bunch of sex-crazed, hard-partying hooligans with no morals. The average American citizens would be blown away if they learned the truth about our lifestyle. Just last month, we had rescued some kidnapped USO cheerleaders from insurgents, and my boy Pat had saved his wife Annie from a sex ring in Aruba. We worked hard, but we partied harder. And no way would I ever apologize for what any of us had to do to relieve our stress. The intensity of our lives was unfathomable to most.

  Even so, Mia had been it for me. I’d once found enough comfort in her touch to forget my daily burdens. But
no more. I would never allow another woman to distract me from being a warrior. Plenty of girls wanted to be fucked by a Navy SEAL, some real-life hero to step off the pages of their favorite romance novel. I was now more than happy to use them the way they used me.

  Mia was the only woman I’d ever loved, and when she left, I’d closed my heart to anyone else.

  3

  MIA

  I SPENT TWO DAYS SCOURING every inch of Joaquín’s apartment but came up empty-handed. I found nothing—no shady receipts, no weird email messages. Everything was clean.

  Too clean, as if someone had already scrubbed any evidence from the place.

  I wanted to crash Tiffany’s funeral to search for clues. Still, I definitely didn’t want to accost her family, who would no doubt kick out the sister of the man they thought had murdered their beloved daughter. I skipped the service, uncertain about what to do next.

  Any day now, the remaining men on Joaquín’s Team could be deployed, and after that, who knew when I’d be able to see them again. I’d lost my inside connections, no Grant, no Joaquín. I had only one way to see them all.

  Today, I was going to head to The Pickled Frog. The bar was a dive where all the SEALs went anytime one of their men had passed. The looming death toll never seemed to wane—a training accident, a downed helicopter, an embassy upheaval. I’d been to enough SEAL funerals during the two years I’d dated Grant to know the drill. One by one, each man would pound down his trident, the SEAL insignia, on the deceased man’s coffin. Then they’d get wasted.

  Even though Joaquín was still technically alive, I was pretty sure they’d be there since they usually hit the place immediately after getting off of work.

  The Pickled Frog was more than a watering hole; it was also a safe haven for heroes. Men who needed to drown their sorrows in hard liquor, men who wanted to forget the faces of the terrorists they’d killed, men whose wives had cheated when they’d been deployed, men whose kids didn’t even recognize their own fathers.